When you ask most DC residents whether they’ve ever been to the H Street Corridor’s Palace of Wonders, you’re likely to get some rendition of the same response: “No, but I think I’ve heard of it. That’s the freak bar, right?”
Bingo.
Simply labeling the Palace as “unique” is an injustice to freaks everywhere. A “unique” bar has inventive names for its signature cocktails - the Palace is more “unabashedly bizarre.” Nestled in the heart of DC’s most up-and-coming neighborhood, this carnie-inspired nightspot boasts the only vaudeville stage, museum of oddities and full bar in the world (I know – it’s hard to believe that no one else has cashed in on this idea). The bar is decked-out in 1930s carnival décor, presumably swiped from the back of a circus trailer. The walls are covered with vintage posters of traveling carnie acts, enlarged clippings of hilarious headlines from the Weekly World News (apparently Satan’s remains were found in Mexico ten years ago) and display cases overflowing with props and costumes from some of America’s most famous sideshows.
Despite its immediate charm, you can’t fully appreciate the novelty of the Palace of Wonders until you venture upstairs. Here you’ll find the venue’s “Museum of Oddities,” an eclectic collection of gag-inducing monstrosities of nature inherited from Baltimore’s historic Dime Museum. The exhibit’s main attractions include “Fivey,” the adorable freeze-dried corpse of a five-legged show dog, “Spider Kid” the eight-legged lamb, a 20-pound albino rodent and of course, a real Unicorn. A separate showcase stores the infamous “Sea Worm,” which is either a venomous mythological creature preserved off the coast of Samoa or a fifth grader’s paper mache project. Additional oddities are scattered throughout the bar, including the mounted head of “King,” the two-faced bull from New Jersey (obviously).
Given the motif, one would expect the Palace to be reserved for avant-garde Washingtonians and awkward social outcasts. Au contraire. By the time the place fills up, you’ll find yourself in one of the most diverse crowds in the District. Even if you ignore the performances, the Palace promises to keep you entertained with an endless supply of people-watching. Mingling is especially easy here, as the bar itself is an effective conversation starter. You’d be surprised how much people have to say about freaks.
The bartender will insist that the Palace is best known for its martinis, but a quick scan of the room suggests a much more appropriate drink of choice among patrons: an ice cold $3 can of PBR. Staying true to the theme, you can order your favorite carnie fare at the bar all night, including hot dogs, pizza, corn dog bites, chili cheese nachos and popcorn.
The stage is small and awkwardly tucked in the rear of the venue, so it can get a little claustrophobic on show nights. If you can’t wiggle your way to the stage, flat screens are strategically placed on each floor so you don’t have to miss a single pair of pasties. A cozy roof deck supplies a great spot for a mid-show butt break, as long as you’re willing to suffer through the overpowering odor of fish sticks coming from the restaurant next door.
On the third Thursday of each month, the Palace hosts its signature sideshow, “Professor Sprocket’s Weirdo Show.” The show is billed as an “Astounding Assortment of Aberrations of Nature and Culture,” but it’s better described as a good ol’ fashion ta-ta’s and variety show. “The Weirdo Show” combines the sultry sexuality of burlesque, the whimsical hypnotism of fire dancing and the crowd-pleasing kitsch of quirky musical performances. The mastermind behind the event is the delightfully eccentric Professor J. Mathius Sprocket, who doubles as the show’s MC. At times the Professor comes off as a bit over-the-top, but I guess you’d have to expect that given his chosen career path.
This month’s show opened with the tastefully playful burlesque of Sugar Anne Spice. Subsequent acts included two fire dancers (Malibu and Silver Raven), a local juggling and diabolo guru (Randy Early) and a pair of ukulele-strumming beauties (Tippy Canoe and Uni & Her Ukulele).
None of the acts will blow you away, but the spectrum of emotions and sheer absurdity of the show make it well worth the $10 cover. To be honest, Early’s sloppy juggling kind of screamed “local dude with a ton of downtime” and I question the decision to book two separate musical performances for an event advertised as a freak show, but it was a great time nonetheless. The seductive fire dancing of Silver Raven and the catchy ditties of Uni & Her Ukulele were the night’s stand-out performances, especially Uni’s rendering of I’m So Excited.
The Palace of Wonders may not be for everyone, but most creative treasures in this world aren’t. The Palace hosts a different sideshow every weekend night, each promising to take you miles beyond your comfort zone. If you’re in the mood for a titillating deviation from the DC nightlife norm, the Palace has to be at the top of your to-do list. Just be sure to leave your inhibitions at the door.
